New Release

Tactical Recovery Bundles

Bundles (New)

Regular price $149.70 Sale price $119.00
/

We know shit value when we see it. This isn't one of those times.  

We've chucked all the tribe favourites together into our popular bundles. If you hate saving money and would rather spend billions on submarine projects that will take 30 years - just CC Dept Defence. But if not, then our bundles will get you salty, sweet and zen - because every badass needs some downtime.

Bundle Options:

  1. Sweet & Salty: 3 x Luxe Illumination Rounds + 2 x 600g Muscle Soaks
  2. Get Lit: 5 x Luxe Illumination Rounds + On Rotation Round
  3. PT Essentials: 1 x 100ml Mag Spray + 2 x 600g Muscle Soaks
  4. Grump Old Salt: 3 x Luxe Illum Rounds + 3 x 600g Muscle Soaks + 1 x 100ml Mag Spray + 1 x 300g Milk Soak
  5. Mystery Posting: 2 x Luxe Illumination Rounds + 1 x randomly selected 600g Muscle Soak + randomly selected 300g Milk Soak + 1 x any of the following: Hand sanitiser, candle snuffer, limited edition candles including On Rotation.

  

Fine Print: 

Bundle variants may change monthly. Savings price based on the full RRP of individual products. Postage not included and will be calculated at checkout. Bundles not able to have discount codes applied.

    Cart
    Luxe Illumination Rounds (New)

    Luxe Illumination Rounds (New)

    Sale price $22.00
    /

     

    What do you get when you snitch on staff? Outcomes. You get fucking outcomes - which, in this case, are brand new Luxe Illumination Rounds.

    Our Luxe Illumination Rounds are limited edition and, after much testing, arguing, further testing, nearly lighting the office on fire after leaving a candle unattended - we're pretty stoked about them. 

    Your New Weapons Of Choice:

    • Tiramisu: we know that most Officers have a sweet tooth (we've seen the drawers stashed full of lollies and shit), so it's only fitting we did another drool-worthy candle. 
    • Blue Mountains Bushwalk smells like a fresh spring day with soft eucalyptus, native wattle, fresh leaves and pine.
    • Choccie Milk + ADF = a match made in milky heaven. We'll fight you if you don't agree (also - our knees and back are fucked, so we'll need to just have a keyboard war, ok?)
    • Deluxe Raspberry Ripple: this zingy little number will make the most foul-smelling of office blocks and rooms smell fucking delightful. Super fresh, super berry-ish and topped off with a hint of vanilla. 
    • The Huntsmans Cabin: this Illumination Round will transport you deep into the woods with a base of sandalwood, juniper, cedarwood, cinnamon, and clove. Earthy, warm, and bloody delightful. 

     

    P.s uh, we didn't just launch new candles either. We have a new motherfuckin' muscle soak! You can find it here.  Our Product & Op's team have finally worked a lil harder. And for that, our muscles and minds are forever grateful.

    Important shit. 

    We've put these beauties into lightweight travel tins, which have a burn time of approx 18-20 +hrs. Contains 220g of soy wax + fragrance + our salty attitude. Our new range comes in white tins from 17 Sep, not black. 

    NOTE: Always trim the wick down, otherwise the wick will be like a little mushroom, it'll burn like crap and then you'll be a sooky la la that your candle isn't performing well. So just trim it to 5mm before you burn each time. Oh, and, don't leave a candle unattended. If we don't put stupid disclaimers on things, we'll get sued by someone even stupider.  


    Cart
    Tactical Recovery Christmas Soy Candles

    Illumination Rounds | Christmas Edition

    Regular price $132.00 Sale price $112.00
    /

    Let's get Jolly as Fuck.

    We've decked the whole base with our limited edition range and once they're sold out, they're sold out. A really fucking important message is that shipping cut off's for most interstate parcels is very early Dec. So get your tinsel out of your asshole, and jump to it, lil festive Champs.

    Christmas Illumination Rounds:

    1. Gingerbread Man: warm, freshly toasted motherfucking gingerbread. 
    2. Outback Chrissy: a nod to the scorching outback with our sandalwood blend. 
    3. Nan's Xmas Cookies: malty, vanilla, toasted sweet goodness - and the reason why most of us get fat as fuck during the leave period. 
    4. Jolly as Fuck: a zing to the nostrils with a sweet peppermint candy cane twist. 
    5. Christmas in a Tin: wholly mother of fucking god. This is better than getting promoted. Think dense Christmas pudding, sprinkled with cinnamon sugar - sans the calories.
    6. Vintage Workshop: no fuckwods, it doesn't smell like old oil and petrol. Think old pine and earthy cedarwood with a subtle floral finish. 
    7. Drunk Santa: we know this guy gets lit putting up with Mrs Clause's shit 24/7. A soft bourbon delight with soft vanilla finish. 
    8. Spicy Lil Fucker: we know you lot enjoy a good deep spice blend more than a RAAF-y enjoys their 5-star Live In Accommodation.  This is pretty fucking festive with star anise, clove and all that spicy type shit.
    9. Reindeer Shit: surprisingly their shit doesn't stink. Sweet malty vanilla goodness. It's actually our favourite. 

     

      Cart
      Reveille Magnesium Soak (new)

      Reveille Magnesium Soak (new)

      Regular price $33.00
      /

      Yeah, that's right Champ Burger - we wear the pants now, while you take yours off. You can't pull rank with us in this tub.

      Get your frowny, angry and salty attitude into the tub with our motherfucking spicy blend of fennel, cinnamon bark and, black pepper.  

      This new batch has been formulated with natural extracts to assist with deep muscle recovery, blood flow, and circulation so that your body can wake the hell up. 

      The mission of this soak: work deep into tense muscles and promote tissue repair.

       GET NAKED AND:
      • Leave the group chat
      • Lock the door
      • Chuck about 2 handfuls into the bath (or a small handful if you're just soaking your feet)
      • Calm the f*ck down and anchor for 20 minutes
      • Feel slightly more human (results may vary)
      • Repeat a few times a week. 
      • Email DHA and tell them they need to increase their average bath size.

      TINY HEROES:

      These ingredients take over your body faster than China takes over the South China Sea:
      • Magnesium sulfate, sweet orange, clove leaf, fennel, cinnamon bark, black pepper, cardamom.

      Speaking of new products. Did you know we've also got brand new Illumination Rounds?

      Cart
      Mag Shower Gel | Lights Out

      Mag Shower Gel | Lights Out

      Regular price $23.95
      /

      We discriminated against 70% of you when we only had muscle soaks available. So now you can stop fucking complaining. Mag Shower Gel is here. 

      SIZE: 250ml

      Our Lights Out Mag Gel is a liquid version (duh) of our Lights Out Mag Soak, meaning that it's calming, soothing, and great before bed. Our super thick and paraben-free shower gel base has been boosted with magnesium chloride (the same magnesium in our mag spray), to help ease tense and crappy muscles. It's infused with lavender to calm you the fuck down and chamomile to knock you out. 

      This won't fix your fucked back or muscles instantly (it's not Mag Spray), however, it's mild enough to use daily, and we recommend using Mag Spray post-shower on the extra fucky areas, as it can provide rapid relief.

      We're not giving you usage instructions. Because, dead set - if we need to go that far, we need to have a bigger talk.

       

      INGREDIENTS: 

      The only thing better than these ingredients is getting that Leave App signed.

      Purified Aqua, Decyl Glucoside, Magnesium Chloride, Cocamido Propyl Betaine, PEG-120 Methyl Glucose Dioleate, Propylene Glycol, Diazolidinyl Urea (and) Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate, Lavandula angustifolia (lavender), Bergamot calabrian, Citrus reticulata (mandarin), Citrus Limon (lemon), Anthemis nobilis and Cedrus atlantica (cedarwood).

        Cart
        Magnesium and Coffee Shower Dirt

        Mag + Coffee Shower Dirt

        Regular price $19.95
        /

        This will be total shower carnage.

        Our Mag + Coffee Shower Dirt will turn your shower into a fucking war zone. On the plus side, you'll feel like a magical warlord afterwards.

        Size: 150g

        We could waffle on about how good this shit is but let's keep it simple, so you can all take notes with your crayons. 

        This shower scrub is now a permanent member of the Armoury. With a coffee base and mag base, it'll slay away the toughest and roughest of skin leaving it feelin' silky thanks to a concentrated formula of vitamin e from green coffee seed extract, sweet almond oil, and grapeseed oil. It's not going to fix doms or help with aches and pains (it's not a fucking muscle soak or mag spray), but it will help fade stretch marks, scars, and damaged skin when used regularly. 

         

        Just don't leave it on for too long - because, hi. It's fuckin' coffee and it'll stain your skin and life. Don't say we didn't warn you because we have. 

         

        INGREDIENTS: 

        These ingredients are nearly more active than the QPS Social Account.

        Coffea arabica seed powder, magnesium sulfate (mag salt), magnesium chloride (mag salt, but stronger), Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis (Sweet Almond Oil), Vitis Vinifera Seed Oil (Grapeseed Oil), Soja hispida (Soy Bean Oil), Coffea arabica L (Green Coffee Seed) AKA shit that's amazing for your skin, Tocopherol, Citrus Aurantium Dulcis, Citrus Limo (lemon).

          Cart
          Reveille Magnesium Shower Gel

          Mag Shower Gel | Reveille

          Regular price $23.95
          /

          Time to wake up, motherfucker.

          Since the majority of you don't have a bath you'll fit into, we've got the shower goods for the shower salt lords.  

          SIZE: 250ml

          The Reveille Mag Shower Gel has been formulated to give you that kick up the ass you need, with a blend that will get the blood flowing and muscle tension melting. It's the right-hand man of our Reveille Mag Muscle Soak packed with black pepper, cardamom, and deep spice. (And no, dickheads, it won't burn your balls - because we get asked that a lot......like, why the fuck would we make something like that? Unless, you use the Mag Spray below the belt - that shit will burn and itch like a fucker).

           

          Our sulfate and paraben free shower gel is mild enough to use daily. For a heavy hit on easing up muscles and general shitness, we strongly recommend the heavy hitters being the Mag Spray and Muscle Soaks. 

          We're not giving you usage instructions. Because, dead set - if we need to go that far, we need to have a bigger talk.

           

          INGREDIENTS: 

          No shit decisions were made when creating this. (Could you even imagine a workplace where constant shit decisions were made.............)

          Purified Aqua, Decyl Glucoside, Magnesium Chloride, Cocamido Propyl Betaine, PEG-120 Methyl Glucose Dioleate, Propylene Glycol, Diazolidinyl Urea (and) Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate, Citrus sinensis (orange), Eugenia Caryophyllata (clove), Foeniculum vulgare dulce (fennel), Piper nigrum (black pepper), Elettaria cardamomum (cardamom) and, Cinnamomum zeylanicum (cinnamon).


            Cart