"Unfuck Your Wellness: The No-Bullshit Mini Guide to Magnesium Cream"

Alright, chuckleheads. Thought wellness was just cuddling up with fluffy pillows and sniffing bullshit lavender? It’s not. And, if you weren’t sure why the fuck our Mag Cream is posted about my randoms on the internet every other day - hold onto your ass, because we’re about to serve you.

Muscle Whisperer: Muscles whining louder than a new recruit on day 1 at Kapooka without Wifii? This is a small jar of muscle silencing goodness, bought to you by the power of transdermal magnesium. AKA, magnesium absorbing into sore as fuck areas via your skin.

Stress's Fucking Enforcer: Drowning in one  life's clusterfucks at the moment? Pissed at the neighbour who’s got a leaf blower fetish at 7am on Saturday? Rub us in. This cream gives the middle finger to your stress.

Sleep's Snarky Wingman: Up all night, recounting cringey shit from 2007? A dollop of this wicked potion and it’s off to la-la land, bitch. Dreamland’s calling, and it’s got zero fucks to give.

Cramp's Damn Bouncer: Sneaky-ass cramps thinking they own the joint? This cream’s the bouncer that screams, "move the fuck along”. That transdermal magnesium will get you good.

Skin's Saviour: Skin feeling like it took a shitty stroll through hell’s bramble patch? This cream’s the hero, coming in with vitamin-e and mango butter.

For the lost souls still meandering in the piss-poor landscape of mainstream wellness crap, our  magnesium cream - infused with a cocktail of Magnesium, Macadamia Oil, and Mango Butter - is the fucking beacon. Not on your radar yet? Well, pull your head out of the sand. The world’s a clusterfuck, but this cream's got the moxie to help you tackle it. Dive the hell in, and for fuck's sake, moisturise like you’re on a goddamn mission! 🕶🔥💼


dick nugget, get this in ya cart:

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