Need to level up your #trbathwars game? 

Enjoy our whole range of 5 mag bath soaks in a mini 200g size. 

Includes: Armoury, Casevac, EKO, Lights Out and Reveille Magnesium Soaks. 

*Bundles are not eligible for discount codes to be applied. Because, hello - we would be fucking broke if we discounted the already...discounted products. We aren't the fucking Reject Shop. But, your muscles will fucking love you for treating them to this.

If you've been part of this salty pineapple tribe for a while, you would know by now that these hand-poured soy candles sell out, every god damn week. 

These are our old faithfuls. 

Our hand-poured soy candles are made from 100% soy wax and premium Australian made fragrances. The wicks are lead-free and they're non-toxic. Please note that the candles now coming in white tins, like our new Luxe Illum Rounds. Our photographer is as lazy as a front gate guard, so the image hasn't 

Your weapons of choice:

• On Rotation - Monthly Candle - so these bad boys rotate each month and, most of the time, are in short-run batches. It's the luck of the draw. November= a random selection of: Plum & Black Currant Christmas Cake, Avocado & Fresh Mint, Bergamot & Sweet Tobacco, Spiced Woods
• Coffee- if you aren't a coffee lover, then move the fuck along (and, get off our website, ok?). This gives you a total faux sense of being perky as fuck. Our new blend isn't as sweet and is a much more bold black coffee brew.
• Creme Brulee - literally these names are exactly how they smell. The purpose of writing these descriptions is a bit pointless hey. This one is sweet, with creamy vanilla and very decadent. We know ya'll like snacky-snacks, and this one - is a lil snack of its own. 
• Aussie Flora - this light scent is laced with Australian botanicals. Not too strong, not too light. It's just right. 
  
• Dry Tobacco & Hay - if we had a dollar for every time some dickweed says "why would I want something that smells like an ashtray?". Firstly, hi - fucking dried tobacco and hay have a very earthy and sweet aroma. It's a very homely scent and surprising to those who aren't familiar with it. It's actually our best seller. So if you're a Karen - bye. 
  
• Candle Snuffer - can be used as both a weapon and a candle snuffer, your choice really. However, we advise the later. These are 24cm long metal snuffers that reduce the smoke when you blow the candles out. If you want to give your candles a longer burn time and shelf life - this is a #lifehack.
  

Important shit. 

We've put these beauties into lightweight travel tins, which have a burn time of approx 18-20 +hrs. Contains 220g of soy wax + fragrance + our salty attitude. Our tins have changed to be white until further notice. Please don't reject us because of this.

NOTE: Always trim the wick down, otherwise the wick will be like a little mushroom, it'll burn like crap and then you'll be a sooky la la that your candle isn't performing well. So just trim it to 5mm before you burn each time. Oh, and, don't leave a candle unattended. If we don't put stupid disclaimers on things, we'll get sued by someone even stupider.  

2020 is a shit show, but our magnesium muscle spray isn't. 

Our magnesium oil spray can be used anywhere, anytime and unlike magnesium sulfate, magnesium chloride can absorb even deeper and faster into the skin, helping to target problem areas. You can't spray us all over your life - we won't fix that, but we can help to relieve muscle tightness, soreness, and headaches caused by constant clusterf*cks or poorly executed CrossFit workouts.

Our non-scented spray means we're covert as f*ck and our bottles are small enough to fit into your field kit, go-bags, doomsday prepper bunkers etc. We've upgraded our bottles to also have a trigger spray nozzle for extra misty goodness.

• Read the important shit below (literally)
• Spray onto your tight spots
• Massage it in
• Wipe the residue off & carry on with your day 
• For sleep: spray onto your stomach and massage gently. Or spray onto legs if you suffer restless legs when you sleep - which annoys the fuck out of everyone.

WHAT'S IN US:

These ingredients are more active than a WO2 headed for the fat truck.

• Magnesium chloride, purified water, sheer brilliance.

Important shit: some people may feel tingling or a slight itch which is normal from the natural active ingredient of magnesium chloride (like, this is pretty strong salt people). It's reported to be common amongst people who have a magnesium deficiency and isn't harmful.  Simply wipe the residue off. The magic happens during transdermal absorption when you're massaging it in. So if it tingles or gets itchy, simply wipe off as this won't impact its muscle relief effects. To relieve you can also rub coconut oil or your normal body lotion onto the area to soothe if required. Do not use on cuts or irritated skin because it will burn like a motherf*cker, and that would just be dumb of you. We warned you. If irritation occurs - cease use and seek medical advice. 

What do you get when you snitch on staff? Outcomes. You get fucking outcomes - which, in this case, are brand new Luxe Illumination Rounds.

Our Luxe Illumination Rounds are limited edition and, after much testing, arguing, further testing, nearly lighting the office on fire after leaving a candle unattended - we're pretty stoked about them. 

Your New Weapons Of Choice:

• Tiramisu: we know that most Officers have a sweet tooth (we've seen the drawers stashed full of lollies and shit), so it's only fitting we did another drool-worthy candle. 
• Blue Mountains Bushwalk smells like a fresh spring day with soft eucalyptus, native wattle, fresh leaves and pine.
• Choccie Milk + ADF = a match made in milky heaven. We'll fight you if you don't agree (also - our knees and back are fucked, so we'll need to just have a keyboard war, ok?)
• Deluxe Raspberry Ripple: this zingy little number will make the most foul-smelling of office blocks and rooms smell fucking delightful. Super fresh, super berry-ish and topped off with a hint of vanilla. 
• The Huntsmans Cabin: this Illumination Round will transport you deep into the woods with a base of sandalwood, juniper, cedarwood, cinnamon, and clove. Earthy, warm, and bloody delightful. 

P.s uh, we didn't just launch new candles either. We have a new motherfuckin' muscle soak! You can find it here.  Our Product & Op's team have finally worked a lil harder. And for that, our muscles and minds are forever grateful.

Important shit. 

We've put these beauties into lightweight travel tins, which have a burn time of approx 18-20 +hrs. Contains 220g of soy wax + fragrance + our salty attitude. Our new range comes in white tins from 17 Sep, not black. 

NOTE: Always trim the wick down, otherwise the wick will be like a little mushroom, it'll burn like crap and then you'll be a sooky la la that your candle isn't performing well. So just trim it to 5mm before you burn each time. Oh, and, don't leave a candle unattended. If we don't put stupid disclaimers on things, we'll get sued by someone even stupider.  

Geez, we've made a pretty bold call on this one and we're 96.3% sure we're right on the money. If not, we have absolutely no doubt a spousile (spouse missile) is headed straight for us. 

We're going to get you from highly strung, to undone; with our sleepy and calming muscle soak. 

We'll get you prepped and ready for a good slumber thanks to an infusion of chamomile and lavender - known for their sleep evoking superpowers, alongside mandarin and cedarwood.  If this doesn't unwind & relax you and get you ready for bedtime snacks and snugs we're not sure what will. 

Mission of this soak: to knock you the fuck out and help you sleep. 

GET NAKED AND:

• Put on your favourite playlist
• Chuck about 2 handfuls into the bath (or a small handful if you're just soaking your feet)
• Calm the f*ck down and anchor for 20 minutes
• Feel slightly more human
• Repeat twice a week. Or don't. We're not the boss of you

TINY HEROES:

These ingredients are more active than Netflix during a pandemic.

• Magnesium sulfate, essential oils of English Lavender, Bergamot, Mandarin, Lemon, Chamomile and Cedarwood. 

Say hello to your new little friend. This bag of salty goodness is better than a 2am kebab.

We know days are spent on your feet and are relatively strenuous (unless you're in the RAAF), and the higher the tempo, the more repair and recovery time your body needs - which sometimes just isn't an option. 20 minutes is all you need along with some soothing Daryl Brathwaite in the background.

Your muscles will be thirsty for this zesty and deeply relaxing bag of goodness. This blend has been infused with hero essential oils of lavender, known for it's calming properties. Rosemary, which can assist in relieving muscular aches and pains. And, Eucalyptus which may help to promote blood flow, decongesting the airways and soothe tense muscles. Use as a whole body bath soak, or in a smaller tub as a pure foot soak.

Mission of this soak: to give your muscles the kick up the arse they need (oh, and to relax them). 

• Put on your favourite playlist
• Chuck about 2 handfuls into the bath (or a small handful if you're just soaking your feet)
• Calm the f*ck down and anchor for 20 minutes
• Feel slightly more human
• Repeat twice a week. Or don't. We're not the boss of you

TINY HEROES:

• Magnesium sulfate, pure essential oils of rosemary, eucalyptus, lavender & lemon.