We discriminated against 70% of you when we only had muscle soaks available. So now you can stop fucking complaining. Mag Shower Gel is here. 

SIZE: 250ml

Our Lights Out Mag Gel is a liquid version (duh) of our Lights Out Mag Soak, meaning that it's calming, soothing, and great before bed. Our super thick and paraben-free shower gel base has been boosted with magnesium chloride (the same magnesium in our mag spray), to help ease tense and crappy muscles. It's infused with lavender to calm you the fuck down and chamomile to knock you out. 

This won't fix your fucked back or muscles instantly (it's not Mag Spray), however, it's mild enough to use daily, and we recommend using Mag Spray post-shower on the extra fucky areas, as it can provide rapid relief.

We're not giving you usage instructions. Because, dead set - if we need to go that far, we need to have a bigger talk.

INGREDIENTS: 

The only thing better than these ingredients is getting that Leave App signed.

Purified Aqua, Decyl Glucoside, Magnesium Chloride, Cocamido Propyl Betaine, PEG-120 Methyl Glucose Dioleate, Propylene Glycol, Diazolidinyl Urea (and) Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate, Lavandula angustifolia (lavender), Bergamot calabrian, Citrus reticulata (mandarin), Citrus Limon (lemon), Anthemis nobilis and Cedrus atlantica (cedarwood).

This will be total shower carnage.

Our Mag + Coffee Shower Dirt will turn your shower into a fucking war zone. On the plus side, you'll feel like a magical warlord afterwards.

Size: 150g

We could waffle on about how good this shit is but let's keep it simple, so you can all take notes with your crayons. 

This shower scrub is now a permanent member of the Armoury. With a coffee base and mag base, it'll slay away the toughest and roughest of skin leaving it feelin' silky thanks to a concentrated formula of vitamin e from green coffee seed extract, sweet almond oil, and grapeseed oil. It's not going to fix doms or help with aches and pains (it's not a fucking muscle soak or mag spray), but it will help fade stretch marks, scars, and damaged skin when used regularly. 

Just don't leave it on for too long - because, hi. It's fuckin' coffee and it'll stain your skin and life. Don't say we didn't warn you because we have. 

INGREDIENTS: 

These ingredients are nearly more active than the QPS Social Account.

Coffea arabica seed powder, magnesium sulfate (mag salt), magnesium chloride (mag salt, but stronger), Prunus Amygdalus Dulcis (Sweet Almond Oil), Vitis Vinifera Seed Oil (Grapeseed Oil), Soja hispida (Soy Bean Oil), Coffea arabica L (Green Coffee Seed) AKA shit that's amazing for your skin, Tocopherol, Citrus Aurantium Dulcis, Citrus Limo (lemon).

Time to wake up, motherfucker.

Since the majority of you don't have a bath you'll fit into, we've got the shower goods for the shower salt lords.  

SIZE: 250ml

The Reveille Mag Shower Gel has been formulated to give you that kick up the ass you need, with a blend that will get the blood flowing and muscle tension melting. It's the right-hand man of our Reveille Mag Muscle Soak packed with black pepper, cardamom, and deep spice. (And no, dickheads, it won't burn your balls - because we get asked that a lot......like, why the fuck would we make something like that? Unless, you use the Mag Spray below the belt - that shit will burn and itch like a fucker).

Our sulfate and paraben free shower gel is mild enough to use daily. For a heavy hit on easing up muscles and general shitness, we strongly recommend the heavy hitters being the Mag Spray and Muscle Soaks. 

We're not giving you usage instructions. Because, dead set - if we need to go that far, we need to have a bigger talk.

INGREDIENTS: 

No shit decisions were made when creating this. (Could you even imagine a workplace where constant shit decisions were made.............)

Purified Aqua, Decyl Glucoside, Magnesium Chloride, Cocamido Propyl Betaine, PEG-120 Methyl Glucose Dioleate, Propylene Glycol, Diazolidinyl Urea (and) Iodopropynyl Butylcarbamate, Citrus sinensis (orange), Eugenia Caryophyllata (clove), Foeniculum vulgare dulce (fennel), Piper nigrum (black pepper), Elettaria cardamomum (cardamom) and, Cinnamomum zeylanicum (cinnamon).