The Great Magnesium Conspiracy: Where TF Are You Supposed To Spray This Shit, Anyway?

This is cute. You've ventured into the wild lands of wellness, which is frankly less daunting that meandering into DFR with the hopes of not being enlisted into 6RAR. We’ll hold that story for another day though. 

Anywho, you've got your hands on a bottle of magnesium oil spray. But now you're staring at the fkn thing like it just asked you to solve a bloody quantum physics equation. The burning question on your mind (apart from why the hell did you enlist into the Army when you could of had 5-star day spa treatments in the RAAF, and therefore no need to be fixing a broken body…) is: where the fuck do you spray this thing to reach peak relaxation?

Magnesium: The Unsung Hero of Chilling the Hell Out

Before we get into the nitty-gritty, let’s talk about why this bottle of liquid gold (or, you know, oily magic) is causing such a damn fuss. Magnesium is like that underrated band you discovered before they got big. It's been chilling in the shadows, helping muscles relax, fighting off cramps, and generally making sure your body isn’t throwing daily smackdowns.

The Not-So-Secret Spots

Alright, back to the original bloody mystery. Where do you spray this magnificent bastard? Most champs will tell you to spray it on the soles of your feet or your stomach. Why? 'Cause these areas are more absorbent and tend not to give you the itch as much - especially if you’re a virgin when it comes to Mag Spray. But if you’re feeling  rebellious and think instructions are for dickweasels, go ahead and target those sore muscles directly. Got a calf that's tighter than your budget after a weekend bender? Time to spray that sucker down.

Give the face a miss unless you want to enter the depths of sheer hell. It’s a no recommendo from us.  

Shoulders and back? Well look, they can get fuckin’ itchy if you’ve not used magnesium spray much before however if you’re more seasoned that a Smiths Salt & Vinegar chip, get trigger happy and go nuts. We’d still recommend to hit a spritz on the stomach or feet through for the first month or two, and perhaps once a day. 

Double Down on the Relaxation

Now, for those of you looking to double-down on the relaxation, we've got a tip. After you’ve sprayed and massaged that oil in for about 15-20 mins, jump into a warm shower and lather up with our tactical Lights Out Magnesium Shower Gel. It's like adding a turbo boost to your chill-out session. And if you're really looking to tell stress to fuck right off, draw a bath and drop in a handful of our Lights Out Muscle Soak.  

Wrap Up and Kick Insomnia in the Ass

In conclusion to our Ted Talk, magnesium oil is the unsung hero you didn’t know you needed. Sure, figuring out where to spray might feel like decoding a girlfriends text, but once you’ve got it down, it's smooth sailing to Relaxation Island. And if you ever find yourself tossing and turning at night, cursing every god you can think of for some sweet slumber, just remember: we've got your six.


dick nugget, get this in ya cart:

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😴SLEEPY SOAK